At least make sure they are 18
Why
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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