I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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