drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
