By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
