i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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