i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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