theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
