That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
