Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
