I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
