Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
