wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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