you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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