And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
