that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
