is your mom at the bar?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
