Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
