Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
