Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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