at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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