You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
