Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
