at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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