im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
