he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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