Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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