if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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