so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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