Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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