I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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