It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
