last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
