I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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