My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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