I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
