i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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