Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
