Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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