idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
