everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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