I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
