yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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