Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
