Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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