just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
love makes seman taste better
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
nutella sex= disaster
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
