So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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