I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
