he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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