there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
