my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
