I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
