Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
