if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
