Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
