i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
