oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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