It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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