she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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