Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
