I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
