i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
