im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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