We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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