i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
as a side note pls kill me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
