I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Semen is not good for contacts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
