If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
