Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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