My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
