Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
