I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
