Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize