the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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