can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
