So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
