This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
