I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
