just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
