Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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