maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
